Authentic Oakland presents: May Authentic Relating Games
in person and no longer fearing the weather
I hope May the 4th was with you. 💡🗡
And now… STRESSssssss. I’m so feeling it! Arrghgghghghhh.
The Silent Killer. An Epidemic. Impact On Teens Worse Than Ever. If these aren’t actual headlines I reckon they could be.
What I’ve noticed about myself and stress is how I struggle to acknowledge it. I run a sturdy and well practiced story about whatever is going on for me, however I feel about it, is just not serious enough to warrant the label of real-life, honest-to-goodness stress. Then it gets louder, and louder, and bigger, and bigger until I’m lying in bed at 3:30am, unable to sleep, and awash in worry about all the things that have accumulated and live only in my sieve of a brain. I am certain to forget something. It might be something big, with real consequences.
What does that have to do with relating? Here are just three ways, three of many:
too tired to be present with my partner - struggling to hear what they say or remember things that affect them
tendency to *not* communicate about feeling stressed due to shame about feeling stressed - maybe it’ll just get better and no one has to know
disorganized and unfocused doing - slows down or derails things I’m doing with others
The one that feels the most spicy of those is #2. In authentic relating we explicitly practice exploring these kinds of edges; comfortable vs uncomfortable, worthy vs ashamed, curious vs. judgemental. By practicing inside a safe, bounded container seperated from the things that create real-time challenges it’s possible to tolerate, even play, with thoughts, feelings, and communications. The prize is being able to use that knowledge of self and the relational skills to be able to say, even when really stressed, “Hey partner, am feeling super stressed and kind of ashamed for being in this position, which I really and truely have done to myself.” My partner can hear me, really hear me, without judgement and practice their own boundaries around compassion and empathy and what, if anything, they want to offer in support.
Please join us. This is stuff worth practicing. Sure it can be a bit uncomfortable. Discomfort is where growth happens. (It’s prolly, like 82% fun and 12% uncomfortable, scientifically speaking). See you on Tuesday!!