When I think about my life thus far and how I’ve been taught to hide and avoid versus show up and lean in I get pretty sad. Then I look around me and see evidence that many, many other people were taught similarly. I get even more sad. It is heartbreaking.
Socialized as I was, vulnerability was the worst thing to do. One of the most dreaded things to hear from a girlfriend was, “Do you want to talk?” or even worse, “Do you want to talk about our relationship?” Horror!! Could we please just go back to making out in the back seat?
My experience working in corporate America taught me to leave my personal life at the office door. Personal stuff should not impact performance at work. It’s unprofessional. What a stinky load of crap that is!
In my family, it was ok to talk about certain things, but other things always led to fights rather than understanding and connection, particularly juicy things like sex and spirituality.
I was taught to live life on the surface of things. After years of practicing that it came to feel really uncomfortable if someone invited deeper conversation. Whatever sense I might have ever had — maybe as a very young child? — of what it felt like to be in honest, real connection with someone was long gone.
The gift of Authentic Relating is that, in just two hours, a taste of that connection is available. Spoiler alert: It feels good! Really, really good! I keep joining Authentic Relating circles and facilitating them because it feels good. And here’s the thing, it feels good because I am humxn. It’s not just for certain types of people. Yes, it can feel intense and overwhelming sometimes, but if you’re thinking this stuff isn’t for you, just know that it’s true. Authentic Relating taps into the basic human need for connection, deeply wired into us over tens of thousands of years.
Let’s meet up in Berkeley on Monday and practice being humxn. Shall we?